New NFL Helmet Rule: What Next? Nix RBs from Running?

The NFL owners have spoken!

By popular vote -- relatively speaking -- the NFL's power cabal has decided to no longer allow running backs to lead with the crown of their helmets.

The new rule will be decided on the field and will not be reviewable. This means that if a referee thinks the running back went into piledriver mode with his helmet when venturing outside the tackle box (and no, not like one you take fishing), then he will be flagged for leading with the crown of his helmet and the team will get hit with a 15 yard penalty.

Flags will also fly if the defender leads with the crown of his helmet.

The day may be coming soon when the NFL commissioner will ask for a vote as to whether running backs will actually be able to run.

Studies will emerge to confirm the observation that when running backs run quickly, it significantly increases the chances of injury. So if the rules stipulate that RB's don't even run, then the chances of injuries will go down at least 50%. Running backs will still be allowed to walk in a brisk manner, like the speed you'd shuffle along when you have to pee really bad but don’t want to run down the hallways of the office. RB's will also still be able to juke, a little. They'll have permission to move their shoulders really quickly and try and fake out the defender who is running full speed at them. This will make the defender confused and think, "Where is he trying to walk briskly next?" This could, in theory, make the defender miss.

With this new rule coming into effect, the NFL owners and commissioner believe it will make their product a more appealing sport to nuns and/or monks, a demographic that has really been lacking as of late in the league's television ratings.

Nice job, Goodell! You're ruining pro football one rule at a time!

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