Game Manning-ger: Peyton Sabotages Own Ankles to Show Up Alex Smith
We all know Peyton Manning's preparation is akin to a Harold Camping follower the night before The Rapture.
But this week, prior to handing KC their first loss of the season, he took it to the point of self-flagellation.
Word from the Broncos' camp is that, while skipping practice during the week, the four-time MVP abused rather than rehabbed the gnarled stumps presently identifying themselves as his ankles.
For what reason?
Apparently, he wanted to prove he could game manage better than current standard-bearer and noodle-armed tosser, Chiefs' QB Alex Smith.
"Eighteen is all about showing everyone he is the greatest quarterback of all-time," said hardware store clerk and Broncos' season ticket-holder, Mark Schlereth. "When he came in and bought a ball peen hammer, I knew exactly what he was going to do with it. He was going to mince those ankles up real good. That's the sort of competitive drive he has.
"He took it personally. Alex Smith the premier game manager? I'll show him. I can be just as conservative and boring and frustrating and deceitfully efficient on the stat sheet and hopelessly dependent on my teammates. And I'll do it with a throwing arm like an inflatable tube guy and pair of feet like a dropped birthday cake.
"The man is the ultimate pro."
A rumour is now circulating in Mile High that, for the return match-up at Arrowhead in two weeks, Peyton is considering sawing his legs off entirely.