Doubt of the Closet: Terrell Owens Declares He Is Gay, Begs for One Last Contract
Wonder no longer.
Terrell Owens -- six-time Pro Bowl selection, selfless team man and friendless workout conductor -- has announced to The Daily Player he too is homosexual and hopes the brave revelation will punch his ticket back to the show.
"Oh yeah, I'm gay," he revealed, wearing Joe Namath's coat and perusing catalogues of Jimmy Choo shoes. "I'm so glad to, you know, be out there and ready for the NFL to come callin' again."
"I know a team wants to give me another shot 'cause I'm the whole package. I can still run routes, I can still get downfield, and I can still catch most anythin' thrown my way."
"And, I'm gay."
You feel coming clean on your true sexual orientation assures your return to the league?
"No doubt. Teams be fallin' over 'emselves to get me on their squad. If I'd known in 2012, I woulda worn me some rainbow to Seahawks camp."
So you acknowledge you've been gay all your life then?
"What? No way! I only been gayin' since yesterday, you know, after that kid was all over ESPN. Man, that was a boss move. A lot better than pourin' popcorn all over yo face."
Owens indicated he also has a new video to accompany his announcement. We're not sure it does his prospects much good.