Costplay: NFL Reaches Settlement Deal with Team Mascots
The NFL doesn't want to go to court with anyone.
Not even the team mascots.
On Thursday, the League reached a settlement with past and present cosplayers over injuries suffered on the job, including heatstroke, impotence, mange, rabies and schizophrenia.
"We learned a lot from the players' class action over concussion," said Roger Goodell, sitting at his desk dressed as Captain America. "We learned we need to be ahead of the curve on this litigation business."
"When we throw a few dollars their way, just like magic, they all disappear ... like Jim McMahon's grey matter."
Without question, the NFL got spooked into the mascot deal by a kerfuffle involving Kansas City's erstwhile talisman, KC Wolf, and the Chiefs.
Mr Wolf -- sometimes known as Dan Meers -- broke his back in a zip-line accident while practising a standard ridiculous entrance. He has since made a full recovery and will resume wolfly activities -- albeit in a part-time capacity -- on the sidelines of Arrowhead Stadium this season.
Although this one mascot suit was resolved without too much fur being lost, Goodell and company clearly saw the writing on the wall.
And it read, "We will destroy you like a horse stalking Eric Berry."