Chad Johnson = A Risk Not Worth Taking

Dear Mr Chad Johnson,

You, my friend, have devolved from a media topic to a media circus. Your childhood antics get as much attention as a Kardashian these days, and guess what, You're unemployed!

It took you, a  former controversial football star, seven days to mull over your idiotic gesture towards your lawyer in a Brown County Circuit Court. Butt-slapping your lawyer during a probation hearing in front of a judge who is wavering back and forth on how to proceed with your freedom is not a smart move. To your misfortune, you haven't been making many intelligent moves lately.

• Dumb Move #1: Head-butting your wife (Yes, in England, that's called a Liverpool kiss, but you're not in England and it's not a sign of affection over there, either.)
• Dumb Move #2: Being assigned a probation officer and failing to report to said officer for  three months
• Dumb Move #3: Butt-slapping your lawyer during a courtroom hearing.
• Dumb Move #4: Attracting the wrong type of attention during a time when you need a J-O-B!

Listen Chad, if I may call you that -- and I much prefer it to your mangled Spanish version of '85' -- we all get overzealous sometimes, but you always seem to take things to the extreme.

First and foremost, you took a standard touchdown celebration and turned it into a sideshow. Secondly, you changed your name to Chad Ochocinco (see above; dude, it's ochenta y cinco!) for only reasons that your convoluted mind can comprehend. Lastly, and most importantly, you're in a very delicate transition period. You're 35, and according to NFL receiver standards, you're old, slow, and too much of a headache to risk signing.

Straighten up and stay out of the media. You don't want to fall into TO's talentless pit of no return.

Signed,

Severely disappointed in almost everything you seem to do