NCAA Week 5: Stock Up, Stock Down

Another week, another reason to be exasperated by Florida State, to marvel at the greatness of Todd Gurley, and to ask how does Brady Hoke still have a job?

Here's your weekly Stock Up, Stock Down report.

Stock up: Todd Gurley ... Where would the Georgia Bulldogs be without this jackhammer? Can you say dead last in the SEC East, along with Vanderbilt? Dude's that important to this team.

Stock Down: Auburn Offense ... What happened to Gus Malzahn's vaunted Tigers offense? Yes, they laid 45 on La Tech, but it took them the entire game to do it. Was it that boring for them? This unit's looked slow and inefficient too many times already, which doesn't bode well for SEC play if they don't get motivated and/or their act together out soon.

Stock Up: Gator QBs not playing for the Gators ... Apparently, Jacoby Brissett didn't open enough eyes in Gainesville, so he wandered on up to Raleigh and damn near spoiled Florida State's trip there. Pro scouts may have come to see the Noles' star JD QB but left raving about the Wolfpack's scrambling slinger. No telling what Florida fans are wondering.

Stock Down: The Ass Pass ... Kentucky may have snapped its 17-game SEC losing streak by being less inept than Vanderbilt, but Patrick Towles' attempt to make chicken salad from a crack in his protection has got to be pulled from the playbook. Now.

Stock Up: Northwestern ... This Jekyll & Hyde program ditched its Mildcat persona for one game, at least, by dominating Penn State in Happy Valley, no less. The Wildcats might have seriously dented the Big Ten's chances of appearing in the CFP's four-team party. The Nittany Lions were one of the conference's two last clean hopes. Are you up to it, Nebraska?

Stock Down: The pollsters ... Yes, it's a thankless task, and no, nobody should thank them. Reporters are alleged journalists, which involves doing research, and yet logic goes out the window at ranking time. Yes, the polls we see now are akin to a kid shaking presents on Christmas Eve, so we can only hope the panel of esteemed college graduates is more methodical in their considerations. But even they should defer to the real cold-hearted experts.

Stock Up: Tufts ... One week after ridding themselves of the nation's longest losing streak, the mighty Jumbos have now made it two triumphs in a row by smashing Bates. Can it be that the school claiming to have played the first real college football game in 1875 is back? For the record, that was a 1-0 whitewashing of Harvard. They covered.

Stock Down: Arkansas ... Tough call, here. But the Hogs had their chances against Texas A&M and couldn't hold on in the end. Make no mistake, though; the Razorbacks are being beaten right now, but they're beating teams up. Hell, even their punter gets in on the act:

Keep in mind the punter -- Sam Irwin-Hill -- is an Aussie, and those dudes are full-service physical:

A thousand punches? That may not be an overstatement. And to think no one's wearing pads. Beware of Aussies in kicking sports.

Stock Up: California clean air laws ... No smog in Berkeley on Saturday, which means both CalBear and Colorado receivers had no trouble tracking the 14 total touchdowns racked up in a game where the Buffaloes amassed 521 yards of offense and lost. Rumor has it X-Box is demanding the playbooks to determine if they've been hacked.

Stock Down:  Indiana ... Lose to Bowling Green at home. Stun Mizzou on the road. Get socked by Maryland at home. College football pollsters would come to only one conclusion here: Move the Hoosiers to the SEC.

Stock Up: Ameer Abdullah ... This dude's an Alabama kid who Auburn projected as a safety and the Tide pigeon-holed as a special teamer, and McNeese State considers a heartbreaker.

If he runs wild against Michigan State, he'll officially be in the Heisman hunt.

Stock Down: The UMass scoreboard ... Literally.

Stock Up: Mike Leach ... Who else but the Pirate would burn a time out to call a team meeting after Utah raced to a 21-0 lead in the game's first four minutes? He no doubt reminded the Cougs that Utah was no Oregon and the Golden Bears and Buffs can toss the ball around all they want, but Wazzu is still the national leader. They bought in. They won.

Stock Waayyyyy Down: Brady Hoke ... Green Mile, dude.