NCAA Week 5: Good Snark, Bad Snark

College football's halfway point is almost upon us, and the results to date are an anarchist's dream.

Sure, there's the usual assortment of undefeated big brands, but even five weeks into the season, absolutely none of them have distinguished themselves as a dominant force.

And from this lot, the CFP selectors need to pick four for their bracket?

If ever there was a reminder that these are teamloads of mercurial 18s-to-22s, this year is it.

Good Snark: Break Up the Big Ten ... The big, bad Boilermakers almost take Sparty down. The football version of fast-breaking Hoosiers cause grave concern to Brutus. And all of a sudden, with that schedule, Iowa is looking at an unbeaten season! What's more, the way they and Wisconsin went at it woulda made Woody and Bo proud:

Bad Snark: UCLA Broke Itself Up ... Or at least, its image as the Pac-12 South favorite. Miles Jack may be a two-way load, but his loss doesn't explain the totality of this loss to slow-starting Arizona State:

Damn! That last highlight was a rugby try! And it's called a pushover for obvious reasons:

So, maybe missing Jack is the totality of UCLA's playing like powder blue on defense.

Good Snark: Teams that Thrive in the Other Five ... Memphis and Temple are the only teams with 3-0 road records. Two of 4-0 Toledo's wins were against Power Fivers; in name only, perhaps, but still. And Bowling Green posted two such triumphs on the road. Against Big Ten teams, one of which took Sparty to the wire.

And if Boise State didn't go brain dead on BYU's Hail Moroni 2.0 play, they'd be front and center for a New Year's Day bowl. The common opponent that is Hawaii's Fightin' Rainbows -- after getting smithereened by the Broncos, 55-0, at home -- might rank Boise State ahead of Ohio State, even. May as well get their opinion lodged while they're trending.

Bad Snark: Locker Room Transfer Talk ... What else is a frosh DB supposed to do when his club's down, 37-0, at halftime?

Ignore the forced apology. What's more illuminating was Charlie Strong's response:

No mention of transfer talk. Just about phones. Could be the ultimate in not being aware of anything.

Memo to Boyd: Next time, use Snapchat.

Good Snark: High Heels ... OK, so some North Carolina jocks may have had a little extra help in math class. Could be why they were nonplussed about being 21 down to the Ramblin' Wreck. What was it Bob Dylan wrote?

Don't criticize what you don't understand.

That's it.

Hell, 21-0 is only 3-0 in baseball terms. And UNC's pretty resilient in seams, too.

Bad Snark: The SEC Don't Need No Stinking Polls ... First of all, debates over who's the best conference should only occur after mass quantities of quality adult beverages have been consumed; only then will they make sense to the participants.

Secondly, the only time polls will ever be mentioned in this series is sarcastically, and that includes the CFP. Polls suck whereas playoffs can be representative, and in the FBS world, they're not. Dedicated readers will know that even our Daily Player 12 is a self-fulfilling parody designed to accent the obviosity of a champions-only bracket.

Looks like some voters are wising up, though. But as a result this week, no SEC team is in the Top 5. That hasn't happened since Auburn was its highest member at No 7 in October of 2010.

The irony? LSU looks pretty damn imposing right now, starting with Player No 7.

Good Snark: For You, Old Blue ... The CalBears actually mustered enough defense for two weeks in a row to go 2-0 against the State of Washington and 5-0 overall for the first time since 2007. Sonny Dykes' offense is a given; if California is gonna make a run at the Pac-12 North title, it's whether their D can hold teams under 30 points. That's all they've gotta do. Usually.

So now, it's gonna be a showdown of two alleged surprise teams in Salt Lake City this Saturday.

Bad Snark: Conversion Charts ... It's not just in UNC's ghost classrooms where things don't add up. Take Notre Dame's Brian Kelly and his blind allegiance to the legendary PAT predictor, not to mention what play he calls in rice paddy conditions when he refers to it.

Dude was chasing the points 'way too early. A pair of singles woulda meant overtime.

Good Snark: Crimson Timing ... Alabama's taking the 2014 déjà vu route to another bracket appearance, which now includes Georgia taking a road it knows all too well:

And apparently, so does Ole Miss:

But all this only gets interesting after LSU and Texas A&M weigh in, and that oughta be fairly heavy.

Snarkalicious: Where Were These Refs in 1990? ... Must've been their dads who gave Colorado a fifth down against Missouri back then, which opened the door for a come-from-behind victory and an ultimate national championship.

And now, after further and further review, Kansas State feels Missouri's pain, although Oklahoma State's crowd doesn't see it that way through the virtue of linear extension:

Dude, there's a huge difference between fourth-down and first-down situations. No guarantees either side would've made the same play calls.

If either the Cowboys or Wildcats are Big 12 title factors come late November, we'll see what relevant looks like then.