NCAA Week 4: Good Snark, Bad Snark

Regular readers of The Daily Player -- and no, not just the ones who don't need more fiber -- have come to the realization that it has patron saints.

They include the Ramones -- thank you, Underground Garage -- whomever invented rollmops, Repo Man, and the Marx Brothers.

At times like this in the college football season, one of Groucho's hallowed decrees in particular comes to mind:

I don't care to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

There's a reason the college pollsters chose a sports media career instead of retirement planning. Yo, dudes! Past results are no guarantee of future performance.

And yes, the polls' original purpose was harmless, for entertainment value only. Kinda like the publishing of betting lines in the sports section.

But the way it's all evolved, and with the money that's involved, who'd want to be in that crowd these days?

Based on the results of this year's teams, even a hint of half-hearted research would've put LSU and Utah at 1-2 right now based on who they've played vis-à-vis those squads that broke from the gates getting inside rails due to their brand-name reputations.

This would be merely annoying if only the CFP selectors lived in a vacuum. But then, they'd all die from lack of oxygen, and college football would have to settle for a champions-only playoff or something.

Good Snark: Hide the Kryptonite ... The Carrier Dome seems to be hostile territory once again, if for nothing else than Les Miles would have to import grass. But LSU knew better than to snooze on the 'Cuse. The Bayou Bengals simply carved an opening or two and let Leonard Fournette do his thing. To the tune of 244 yards.

The Orange defenders rarely had a chance to stop and smell the corn dogs.

Bad Snark: 'Horns Kick Selves in the Foot Again ... Nothing like justifying the John Cleese football rant. How does academia's richest non-Nike jock shop sign 85 elites, and then those very few who actually do have to apply foot to ball go out and perform like they did anything but all week in practice?

So Texas endures its first three-loss September in program history. Maybe Charlie Strong & Staff should be recruiting the FC Dallas academy.

Good Snark: Revenge in the Pacific ... Hmmm. Maybe it is a dish best served cold. Makes the result harder to swallow. And that could be what both Utah and USC wanted to serve on the side.

Last year in Salt Lake City, Utah looked to have an upset of the Ducks in the making, when Ute WR Kaelin Klay went all DeSean Jackson and reserved a spot in Pac-12 infamy:

Oregon's alertness turned the tide, and they quacked their way to a 51-27 rout.

This time around, Utah was leaving nothing to chance. And that included a moment of who's alert now?

This has the makings of a wonderfully wacky series.

But the Utes didn't crush Oregon because of trickeration. They're a veteran crew and the Ducks are last in the Pac-12 defensive stats, ie- the gashings they've suffered this season aren't flukes.

Meanwhile, USC was in Hail Mary this mode after last year's finish in the LA Coliseum:

Presumably, the Trojans have since learned that there's no infield fly rule in football.

No need for it this year. In 99º desert heat, Troy scorched the Sun Devils in every aspect of the game.

Sounds like Ashley Adamson should find out who Hawk Harrelson is.

For now, the Pac-12 South match that really matters is UCLA at Utah on Sat 21 Nov. But do consider that designation a moving target. It's clear the that division's teams do.

Bad Snark: Heisman Hangover ... Maybe LSU should ask Fournette to do a Groucho to the Heisman club, should they attempt to award him membership. Since 2010, each school harboring the trophy winner seriously regressed in the subsequent season if the winner didn't return. Check them out:

• 2010 winner: Cam Newton ... Auburn goes 8-5 in 2011
• 2011 winner: Robert Griffin III ... Baylor dips to 8-5 in 2012
• 2012 winner: Johnny Manziel ... Texas A&M gigs down to 9-4 in 2013

2013 winner Jameis Winston didn't necessarily do himself or his school any favors in 2014. And with Marcus Mariota the reigning holder, it looks like Oregon is right on track to keep the trend rolling.

Careful what you wish for, dudes.

Good Snark: Rumblin', Bumblin', Stumblin' ... The Big Uglies were lookin' good in the TD column. No fewer than three of them shook the earth on their way to paydirt this past weekend.

Here's all 307lb of Hassan Ridgeway posting six for Texas:

Penn State's Austin Johnson made all those wind sprints in camp worthwhile:

And here's Adolphus Washington showing serious hands for the Ohio State University:

Bad Snark: Paging Mr Blackwell ... Who knew Maryland could be outdone for sartorial malfeasance? The Terps have set a high bar for eye vomit ...

... but Miami of Ohio has accepted the challenge:

The Worst Dressed List compiler must be spinning in his grave.

Good Snark: Land Ho! ... Navy's QB Keenan Reynolds rushed for three TDs for the 13th time on Saturday, making him the first player at any position to do so. His all-time total of 73 is only four behind that of NCAA Division I record-holder Montee Ball.

Dude's a one-man Mr Inside, Mr Outside and can even toss in a Mr Over the Top with his slinging skills, as Navy made its AAC debut a successful one:

The actual Navy may have ditched its Global Force for Good slogan, so Reynolds' overland records for the Midshipmen should lay claim to it. Those marks will remain for good.

Bad Snark: GPS ... How in the name of famous explorers does a player line up this far offside?

Snarkalicious: TCU's Tag-Team TD ... The Frogs had it covered DeepInTheHearta when the rubber met the road. Fullback-free Texas Tech -- also missing seven defensive starters already due to various injuries -- had the upset within reach, but then TCU had two receivers reach even more:

The Horned Frogs must've dug deep into their WAC days for that one.