Charlie Weis Completes Brilliant Early Retirement Plan

Published on 29-Sep-2014 by Alan Adamsson
Football - NCAA / NCAA Football Daily Review

Charlie's devils.

How did no one see the grand scheme before now?

This is better than Paul Newman and Robert Redford in The Sting. Just not as handsome and with a few more pounds.

One of life's nagging puzzles has been how Charlie Weis could go from offensive genius with the New England Patriots to incompetent charlatan at the NCAA level.

Until now.

It's all so clear.

Charlie's gamed the system to perfection:

Phase I

  • Fall into a system that makes you look like a bloody genius because nobody really bothers to ask if the success is because of you or because you're a part of something more complex.
  • Get a big brand college desperate to rekindle past glories like, say, Nôtre Dame, to hire you as a head coach for big bucks.
  • Make sure there's an iron-clad buyout clause. Make it a golden handshake of $6.6million plus $2.1million a year from 2012 to 2015
  • Be incompetent because it's less work.
  • Get fired and invoke the buyout clause.

Phase II

  • Restore the veneer of a reputation by becoming OC of a moribund NFL team like, say, the Kansas City Chiefs.
  • Take advantage of a system that makes you look like a bloody genius because nobody really bothers to ask if the success is because of you or because you're a part of something more complex.
  • Get a big brand college with a football program desperate to restore the veneer of its reputation like, say, Florida, to think you're an OC savant.
  • Parlay that into getting a desperate big brand college with a zero-cred football program like, say, Kansas, to hire you as a head coach for big bucks.
  • Make sure there's an iron-clad buyout clause. Make it $2.5million a year from 2014 to 2015
  • Be incompetent because it's less work.
  • Get fired and invoke the buyout clause.

Done! In addition to the first buyout, collect $4.6million for the next two years while doing nothing more than unspeakable acts to your dog that will shock and dismay PETA. And you'll have more than enough dosh to crush them in court.

So there you have it. The good life. Signed, sealed, and delivered at the tender retirement age of 58. All done with no callouses on the hands, and nobody knows you in Tahiti, the south of France, or your own private island.

Every high school counselor in the USA is absolutely correct. You can make more money in your life if you just take advantage of what institutions of higher learning will offer you.

Is this a great country or what!

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