The Lace List - Players Who Wouldn't Last Long in a Bar Fight

Here are this month's players whose grandmas could take a hit better than they did:

Kevin Noreen - West Virginia ... vs Gonzaga on 12 Nov; the only guy in the gym who bought his fake flop was the ref. The Mountaineers deserve to lose by 30+ points when they depend on his panty-tactics.

D'Angelo Harrison - St John's ... vs Detroit on 13 Nov; he took an accidental swiveling hand to the face behind a Titan player's pivot and went down like a tree. Really, how often does a poke in the eye cause a full-body collapse?

Joshua Smith - UCLA ... vs UC Irvine on 13 Nov; he flopped to the maples after trying unsuccessfully to take a charge. This guy is 6-10 and weighs 350 pounds! The only thing that should knock him down is a Scud missile! He makes this list on general principles and basic physics.

Deniz Kilicli - West Virgina ... vs Davidson on 24 Nov; there must be an exchange rate with Turkey on 6-9 and 260. He went down like he was shot. It looked like he was trying to draw a charge against a stiff breeze. He couldn't have slid farther if he was on a conveyer belt.

Jamaal Franklin - San Diego State ... vs USC on 25 Nov; in what can only be assumed is an old Aztec mating ritual, he not only flopped backward after a long shot attempt, but he pulled the Trojans' Ari Stewart down on him. It was a Pro-Choice moment for the officials, who quickly decided for abstinece by making no call.

Cody Ellis - Saint Louis ... vs Washington on 28 Nov; the Land Down Under isn't supposed to be the Huskies' key. Yet, that's where this 6-8 and 240 Australian put himself after leaning into 6-7 and 220 Desmond Simmons, who was planted and looking for a jumper. So how does his bigger, taller frame wind up falling backwards? No idea, but that kind of performance has Linda McMahon on Line 2.