Pass Fail: Kobe's Rehab Is Going Great ... with One Exception

The latest reports indicate Kobe Bryant is progressing well in his return from the dead-man-walking Achilles injury he sustained last April.

By all accounts, he has ditched the motorized cart at the nursing home and is up and about, running at 75% of his ego weight on a treadmill. The next step is to participate in all on-court basketball activities: dribbling, shooting, lay-up drills, shooting, bricking, shooting, calling out teammates, and shooting.

Of course, distributing the rock will continue to be on the outer:

"It remains an uphill battle trying to get Kobe to pass," said one of the Lakers' thirty-seven athletic trainers. "But we haven't given up. Like Big Baby Davis with a pizza, we'll keep after it.

"We think it's an issue with his Harmonia tendon, or 'teamwork tendon' as it is more commonly known. It originates in the decision-making section of the brain, runs down through the shooting arm and ends in the middle finger. We suspect he severed it early in his career; the injury was never properly diagnosed and has never fully healed.

"We figure with the right combination of massage, electro-therapy and Steve Nash urine, Mamba can get his Harmonia tendon right and lead the Lakers to another five titles before he retires."

Is it possible that Kobe Bryant is just a selfish, possession-kidnapping, clock-swallowing, team-murdering d-bag?

"Nothing's impossible," replied the trainer. "Except, at this point, Kobe passing the ball."