Lakers Hoping for Mutant Morph into a Playoff Team
The artist formerly known as Artest has a new nickname that might be closer to the mark.
We all know that the current moniker of Metta World Peace for Ron Artest was inspired by a word derived from the Buddhist religion meaning friendliness, benevolence, and all manners of other warm and oh-so-fuzzy descriptions.
Recently, however, Kobe Bryant tagged him with a new one. Bryant said, “I call him Logan now, he’s Wolverine."
For those of you who have been under a rock and avoided the comic books or the Marvel superhero stable's assault on the big screen over the last decade, here is a crash course: Wolverine is a fictional character -- really! -- a mutant who appears in the X-Men. His surname is Logan because, in the backstory somewhere, he apparently shared M W Peace's desire to make any legal name changes. His DNA defied all logic -- hell, it's a comic book! -- by morphing blades inside his knuckles that appear whenever he senses danger or a need to harvest grains.
Being as how blades popping through skin would usually hurt and most likely leave a mark, Wolverine's DNA on LSD -- whatever -- also morphed his healing capabilities so he can recover from virtually any wound, disease, or toxin almost instantly.
Ergo, the Kobe reference. But don't worry about Mr Peace going rogue because if it were up to him, he probably would have played when the Lakers met Dallas on Tue 2 April.
We all can imagine Kobe Bryant casting a sly smile in the direction of that caped crusader of dunkology, Dwight Howard, in essence saying, 'Now that's how you return quickly from an injury!'
The Lakers need all the help they can get, as they currently trail the Utah Jazz by a half-game for the final playoff spot.
Instead of the ghost of Phil Jackson, perhaps they should conjure up Dr Xavier and ask him to spread 'World Peace' by sharing whatever is flowing through those veins and infuse it into his other ailing teammates. Maybe Steve Nash should inject deer antler spray in his hamstring and declare himself a mutant, too.
Then the Lakers will have their own Avengers cast featuring The Black Mamba, Superman, Wolverine, and Captain Canada.
But you say the X-Men and Avengers don't exist in real life? So when has that ever stopped anything in the NBA? Ever see a lake in LA? Or any Jazz in Utah?
Or any heart in Dwight Howard?