Greg Oden's Done With Hoops
Alert the media!
Greg Oden has announced his retirement from professional basketball.
There will be no gold watch for Mr Oden.
This doesn't exactly quality as front page news, but here it is on the front page: the hoops career of the former NBA No 1 pick is no more.
Of course, in reality, his career ended some time ago, but it's now apparently official.
The former Ohio State phenom was the top pick of the Portland Trail Blazers in the 2008 NBA draft, selected ahead of Kevin Durant.
Ruminate on that fact for a moment, Blazers fans.
Somewhere, Sam Bowie just grabbed both knees and winced.
Of course, Bowie was selected by the Blazers one spot ahead of Michael Jordan back in 1984.
Incredibly, Oden only played in 105 games over three seasons with the Blazers and Miami Heat.
The big guy was unfortunately ravaged by knee injuries and really bad luck in general.
He may be remembered by many as being the oldest looking young dude in the history of the world.
Oden most recently played in China, but was sadly released as a cost cutting measure, regaling the former Buckeye with even more indignity.
The 28-year-old has enrolled at Ohio State again, so hopefully, he can find some peace.
Students will surely have no trouble locating him on campus.