Drink and Drive: Milwaukee Bucks' New Energy Drink Key to Improved Performance

Published on 19-Oct-2013 by Xavier McSpaniel

Basketball - NBA    NBA Daily Update

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Drink and Drive: Milwaukee Bucks' New Energy Drink Key to Improved Performance

The Milwaukee Bucks have long been the sad drunk uncle of the hoops world.

In 2013, they're hoping a new energy drink will see them become the life of the NBA party:

Bucks Coors Can

Developed and patented by the Bucks' own sports science lab, the drink -- dubbed 'Bucks Light' and 'Blight' -- may give the team an edge in their their ongoing quest for relevance, respect, and a new arena.

"We're hoping for big things," said the head chemist from the dumpster behind the lab. "The rest of the league is still using Gatorade and Vitamin Water and other quack concoctions."

"Blight is raising the bar."

According to the media guide, the drink promises to enhance dribbling, shooting, and passing out of the double-team. It also hints at improved chemistry in the locker room:

"Yes, our research has shown players using Blight love each other, really love each other."     

While the new brew has occupied much of their focus during the summer, the Bucks are not content with merely finding an advantage in fluid intake; they're conducting exhaustive tests to establish which bratwursts and cheeses best aid performance. They're also working on a prototype pair of Blight goggles.

"Our initial trials have shown that when drinking Blight and wearing the goggles, Larry Drew resembles Phil Jackson and John Hammond is the spitting image of Pat Riley."

Do they make Larry Sanders look like Lew Alcindor?

"We're good ... We're not that good."

Reports have indicated Carlos Boozer is now strongly considering a trade to the Bucks.