David Ortiz Wears Many Hats: Judge, Jury, and Executioner

Published on 03-Jul-2014 by bpfiester
MLB / MLB Daily Update

What we have here is an identity crisis.

David Americo Ortiz Arias, better known as Big Papi around the big leagues, has had an interesting season to say the least.

And his declaration about the Chicago Cubs yesterday just makes it that much weirder.

According to Ortiz, aka David Arias, the Cubs playing a majority of day games at Wrigley Field messes with players' internal clocks, or in other words, their mojo.

Perhaps players are spending too much time at Berlin and the Smart Bar to handle the barrage of day games.

I think this logic could be applied to any team having a game start before 4.00pm, local time, as being detrimental to a major leaguer's night life of carousing and debauchery. It would be most deleterious to the New York Yankees, where players are required to shave before every game and keep those sideburns above the ear. Right, Mattingly? Perhaps they could charge up the Norelco before they go to bed at 5.00am, or is that still the night before?

Let’s recap the 2014 season for Mr. Ortiz:

  • 1 AprilBoston Red Sox visit President Barack Obama at the White House where they were honored for their World Series victory over the St. Louis Cardinals. At least Big Papi showed up. That’s more than we can say for Marshawn Lynch.
  • 9 May – Texas Rangers SP Yu Darvish is throwing a no-hitter against the Red Sox, and Ortiz bloops a ball between the 2B and RF that the official scorer initially rules an error. Ortiz immediately goes into crybaby mode, and the ruling is reversed by MLB a few days later. It didn’t matter, as Ortiz hit a single off Darvish later in the game to truly break up the no-hitter, and that was with five infielders playing on the right side of the diamond.
  • 20 June – Ortiz is reprimanded by MLB Executive VP of Baseball Operations and 2014 Hall of Fame inductee, Joe Torre, for a lack of professionalism and downright pinheadedness for criticizing the official scorer’s decision to rule an error on Twins' 1B Joe Mauer instead of crediting Ortiz with a single. Give Mauer credit, at least it hit his glove.
  • 23 June – In a long-since-decided game against the Seattle Mariners at Safeco Field, Ortiz hits a sinking liner to RF that Stefan Romero appears to catch at first glance. However, Ortiz being the bitchfest that he is, decides it’s worth it to challenge in a 12-2 game in the ninth inning. Naturally, it gets reversed -- Romero clearly did trap the ball, for the record -- and Ortiz scores on a sacrifice fly by Catcher AJ Pierzynski. Just padding the stats, which he did by hitting a home run off the Hit It Here Café in deep RF to salvage a vestige of pride for the Red Sox, who were on the verge of getting swept.
  • 1 JulyOrtiz starts walking to first base before the ball leaves the pitchers hand which amounts to an unintentional-intentional walk. This wasn’t necessarily a bitch move, but pretty cool nonetheless.

This dude had one of the greatest World Series ever and was named MVP by going 11-16, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 7 runs, and a cool .688 BA in just six games. And now he walks this season with press clippings strewn in his path.

And now, he'll have some time to reflect on his first half of 2014, as he won't be joining his American League contemporaries in Minnesota for the All-Star Game next week.

Most likely, he'll be yelling at the official scorer through his 72-inch plasma television.

But party on, dude. You've got time.

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