The infamous Eisenhower Tree -- wrecker of many a Majors dream and victim of a freak ice storm over winter -- has been in the wood-chipper for two months now.
But that hasn't stopped Masters' Man-In-Charge, Billy Payne, from declaring he is clueless about a replacement:
"We do not yet have a definitive plan as to what, if anything, we will do to the 17th hole beyond this year's tournament," Payne said, thumbing through a catalogue of inflatable tube men. "We are closely examining play and scoring on the hole this week, and will make a decision after careful observation and consideration."
Wrong answer, Chairman Payne. A new icon in the Ike Tree's stead must be determined and implemented, preferably by opening tee shot Thursday. After all, the Masters mantra is 'The Tradition Continues'.
Here are The Daily Player's top four suggestions for a replacement:
The Greg Norman Face Palm Tree: Famous for its copious sap. May collapse on Sunday.
The Miguel Angel Jimenez Cigar Tree: Hit into that hazard and be prepared to emerge with a bogey, a ponytail and emphysema.
The Condoleezza Rice Sausage Tree: A token tree put in place only to annoy the members.
The Tiger Woods Memorial Weeping Willow: Sponsored by CBS and ESPN.